Musings

Yet another of those crossings in life. Yet another bag of mixed feelings. Yet another place where I leave, feeling empty – no nostalgia, no tears, just a lack of emotion.

Phase 1 : St.Thomas School Ranchi
The place where it all began – 20 years of a tryst with education. Made some really good friends there, some of whom have fallen by the way because they couldn’t fight. That is the one thing I can do better than most people – fight with myself. The seeds of that were sown here, most of my “intellectual” tastes were acquired there. I fell in love with books, got myself a good education( which is the source of all competitive advantage, whether people want to accept it or not). I used to excel at English and the sciences over there, and suck at math( which I still do. ) When the end came, I did well at the boards and gained admission to Dav jvm, the best school in then bihar. Had to make the choice between medical and engineering ( I knew even then that I could do justice to only one thing at a time), chose engineering as the masses of this country do ( more because of the pathetic availability of good colleges for medicine than the lifestyle issues, in hindsight it was the better decision to make). A few good friends came with me, a few fell behind. So did my tryst with biology, till then my 2nd most differentiating paper.

Phase 2 : Dav Jvm, Ranchi
A short stay, marred by what is the most hyped exam in this country. A stupid set of problems, which a few people aspire to crack in their innocence. Does do some good though. Life was good there, and my circle of friends expanded to include females, and a certain PG Wodehouse. Things got sad with an attack of jaundice, which just about screwed the last few days at the place, and caused me to overeat post it to reach a high of about 140 pounds. The end here was mixed again. A few friends came with me, a few fell away. I remember the arguments I had with my folks before making the choice I did. Again, no regrets, for the past is immutable.

IIT Kharagpur, West Bengal
Probably the only institute for which I will feel anything. The place made me an adult. There is a lot of similarity among the guys over there, yet there is so much difference.
My learnings of human behaviour were the most pronounced over there. I also learnt about love, friendship, support through bad times, screw ups and inevitably – the dark side that exists in all of us – whether we want to accept that or not. Actually it has reached a point where I no longer see black or white, everything is grey, the shades of shadiness differ. I fell in love with a place – RKCTM – my second home after home, was my residence for 3 years. A few friends were made, for life ( some people I am sure will have a few shards from my influence on them, and accepted me for my whole cutting edge. Not many, but enough to keep the flame of faith lighted.). The end here was also mixed. No sadness at leaving home, coz of its inevitability, but a definite element of relief at the end of a phase of life( which was not to be) .The usual suspects fallen by the roadside ( remember the song, tanha dil tanha safar? So true!) .

IIM Calcutta or as I like to call it ( LakeSide Institute of Management, Joka)
Most of what happened in Kharagpur happened here at a higher intensity level and pace, with a greater emphasis on grey and dark shades. I possibly have not been hated more as an individual at any point in my life, or loved for that  matter. It has been an intense experience, more like the best( or worst, both mean the same)  daze of my life, which is coming to an end before my tryst with destiny begins again.

What has not changed inspite of these?
There is a core inside me. It is the foolish ideal which a few of us have. For good or bad I believe that there is something which is purer than the shades of grey which surrounds the world. It stands out like a spark, allowing dreamers and other people who aren’t purely materialistic to live and hope. It is that in me which never shuts the door on anyone it has been opened for. The worst thing I have ever done to someone who I have opened  a door into my life is leaving the ball in his/her court and refused to do anything but return the serve. Its like the game of tennis, where all my services have turned into aces. I like to play volleys, I serve to only those on whom I have a hope of a return. If you couldn’t return it coz your leg was broken, I will stay on the other side till you recover and return and serve. I don’t turn my back and run away. That’s something I haven’t learnt how to do, yet. I suspect that it will also happen, killing what remains of humanity I retain inside. There is time for that, for I have always found rays of light to show me the way, which grow into bright beams. I still have to just close my eyes, for those to hit me and restore peace.

I have written this for someone who is afraid I will leave because of misunderstandings. I don’t leave or run away. I don’t think friendship dies because of a fight. If it does, it never was anyway.

The things that have changed.
Innocence – that is lost, forever. I am an adult. The child has died his natural and inevitable death.
Lies – I used to lie earlier. Now I find truth better. There is no need to lie.  Misrepresentation is so much better. People always think there is more to it than it seems. Taking things at face value is simply not possible for some people
Openness – I used to be a snob earlier. Sometime down the line, I opened up. I am selective now, due to scars which people have left – willingly or unwillingly. I am also not as nice as I used to be, though I probably appear more nice now than I did. Ironic.

Yet another uncreative post I suppose, still me though, for all its worth. I do have the ray of sunlight coming from the hummingbird to look forward to, for sometime at least. The vows are worth sometime.

Finally, the most precious thing I have to give anyone is time. Some don’t appreciate it or reciprocate. But it is a function of priorities. They change. Live with it. Grow up. I did. It hurt. It will hurt again. But I will be reborn like a phoenix from the ashes that life will leave me as. Again, and again, and again……… till death do me part..

PS: some of you could fill up the johari window of mine.

~Somanxo

What am I?

Have gotten free a bit. So decided to go in for some insights.

Since I’m actually trying to listen and care what you folks think of me, I’m gonna need your help here! please go to this page, and pick out a few words that you think describe me best. so when y'all are done, this site is going to  make me a small window telling me some stuff, with which I hope to become a better person. Please fill this even if you just know me through blogging.  now click and start choosing!! Use anon if u so desire!NB: go here if you want one for yourself too!

~Somanxo

ps: thanks all who filled it already!

Last quiz at IIM Cal

Had the last quiz and class at IIM cal yesterday. These are some snaps of that. See if you can spot me :P





There's one end term on 2nd and then just the rat race is left, before I can leave for home, and greener pastures than these. Wish me luck, for I am gonna need every ounce of it!
~Somanxo

Notes

This is for someone who gave me something to do with privacy. See this used to be your private blog. I knew that, and did not tell any of the junta who would be interested. The reasons are obvious.

Life sucks. The  ♦ in my ♥ has flown into the night sky.
Today’s the second last academic day of my life.
2 quizzes and an essay.

So many parts of me have died over here, that one more doesn’t even seem to matter.

~Somanxo

edit: that is now some other guys blog. Not that it matters.

Statement Of Purpose

For all you dudes and dudettes aspiring to get into universities or companies, there is something known as a SOP – statement of purpose.
There was a particularly painful form, which I did not fill, which has this question. The answer follows.

Successful leaders have a clear sense of purpose. What is your statement of purpose?

In order to supply any reasonable answer to this, let me also make my views on who successful leaders in my eyes are. I would say the Osama bin laden, Dawood ibrahim, George Bush Sr. ( junior just had another idiot to contend with, I mean the voters had no choice, if the other guy had won, we would have the same things happening anyway) , Indira Gandhi ( she actually won on a slogan “Garibi hatao” ( eradicate poverty, covertly suggesting that the poor be gotten rid of, something her son tried, and she accomplished in no small measure by dying). Among corporate persona – Jack Welch, Bill Gates, Larry Ellison, Vijay Mallya, Dhirubhai Ambani, Karsanbhai ( of nirma fame). You get the idea.
Of these, I like only Vijay ( owner of UB – the worlds second largest brewery) and Larry ( owner of Oracle), as in I aspire to follow in the footsteps of these two. There is of course the Rupert Murdoch and Kerry Packers ( sigh!, may god have mercy on his soul).
Henceforth, everything I write should be seen in light of this.

One talks about long term goals. Let me give you a flavour of what mine are. Here! I closed my eyes for a minute and tried to imagine what I would want to be at 55. I came across myself in colourful Hawaiian shorts and a beach shirt having a meeting on sponsoring the next playmate of the year shoot at Bermuda. Err. The rest is confidential.

Lets come to short term goals. You see, I have been duped so far in my life into believing that one should be educated. So like most of the people in India I appeared for 2 such public exams, and unlike most, cleared them. Now what people fail to see is that it has its own costs. Mine is 6 years of my life. At the end of it all, I am in a position where 40 days and 40 nights is not happening. There are some things I want in life. I am not settling for anything less than that. Any job where I don’t get to eat quality food is out. ( sorry McDonalds and subway are at best stopgap arrangements.) Something like a good lasagna every 3 days ( sans the bird flu risk of course) is more like it. No mess or standardized arrangements which make you eat shit with a lot of other people. I understand fertilizer is needed in the country, but that’s for plants, not human beings.
Then we come to other essentials of life – namely alcohol. A weekend beer is a must. Anyone who asks me to give that up, I am not joining. An opportunity to use HLL ( Hindustan Latex Limited) products is also welcome. Apart from these, I really don’t have any other needs, apart from the occasional ( read pref daily, twice daily) shots of Jack Daniels, or Absolut.

Medium term goals – should I even talk about them. But wait, I already have. Refer to this for them.

And to any other evil HR who wants to know my purpose – up yours!
~hope you gets the ideaz
~Somanxo

Who says pictures cant tell a story

This happened while on the diamond harbour trip.
while the pics of sunrise etc have been lost, the most memorable one is still on, the only uncensorable one unfortunately. the guy in question apart from me is gola.

First, I got this idea, when he started snoring while we were having breakfast. ( nightout, after a party does that to some people :P )


Then, someone had a brilliant idea, since it was going photogenic, to capture a moment, a Canon moment definitely :)


Finally, the man himself joined the action.


so, aint it a nice story?
~Somanxo

Of Harbours and manchild

Few things have happened since my last post.
Yesterday we went to diamond harbour ( not pearl harbour) to watch the sunrise.
It so happened that I had come out after filling a form at about 3 AM. I went around, saw no one. Then I heard noises from the roof. It so transpired that most of my wingies were having a party on tank top. I joined in too. Then there was a plan to go to diamond harbour to see the sunrise and eat bread gugni there. So 8 of us went there, 2 on a bike and 6 in a Maruti 800, which is a slightly uncomfortable fit, possible only coz me and Krishna were normal human sized. There are some pics, which shall follow with a detailed post. Some of those moments I shall remember for quite some time.

Today I received one of the weirdest salutations of my life “lilttle manchild in iim:P “
Was what a suspected to be fake aiyar bangalorean said. Must say the variety of salutations I get gets eclectic day by day. This one is up there with what a couple of my wingies call me ( “The most electrifying man on campus”). Theirs is more explainable though. Will put up a pic with my fluorescent yellow kurta and  black cord ( it is not velvet, why can’t u understand??) pant.

Off to watch the final match of the Indo-Pak series I am.

~Somanxo

Sorry!

Sorry! That’s the most abused word in English I know of. At least fuck is supposed to be derogatory in its usage most of the time, so technically it is not abused. Will start with a few instances :

Scene 1 : Table tennis match. Hard fought point, your opponents return miraculously manages to strategically touch the net and yet land on your side of the table, giving him the point. He says “ Sorry!” ( at least wipe of the silly grin of your face, I know you aren’t sorry)

Scene 2 ( female perspective ) : Some guy bumps into you intentionally ( occasionally it happens unintentionally too ) , then the same sorry!

I could go on and on. But that is not the purpose. I believe that the reason it is abused is because of convention and values that people have. Somehow a lot of people believe that just saying sorry does it. Typical comments ( usually from females ) “ How hard is it to say sorry?” “ You are being childish, just apologise” etc . What I fail to understand is that how it serves any purpose. If one is really sorry, saying it out loud is the last thing needed, usually some other action signals the intent anyway.

As far as I am concerned, it is a word to be used sparingly, and with intent. It doesn’t solve anything. I feel sorry occasionally, but rarely express that. If I did start doing the expressing part, family would be much closer. Mom doesn’t need me to say sorry to still love me. Why should anyone else? What kind of relationship is forged on lies and make-believe? Why should one even care?

This is the last post in my series of cynical and bashing a category of people. With this I am officially burying some corpses. Some of those who could have been.

And no, I am not sorry for doing that. Sad, yes.

edit : a couple of edits to be made. first one is now, next will be when and if i ever feel like it.
Few things for which one does not say sorry to me, basically u don't get forgiven. If you were at some level, you have gone from there to being Mr. or Miss or Mrs. Xyz as your name might be.
To list them all would probably mark me as an insensitive SOB by most females, so I will desist from that, the only common thread among all of them is leaving ( even once) without the decency to say good-bye ( when not hampered by anything). I consider it worse than an outright slap on my face? Would you continue to treat someone the same way if they slaped you in your face? I think not.

next edit will be specific. dont know if the intended readers will read it. I dont think they will anyway.
~Somanxo

Bas itna sa khwab hai

It’s a matter of time. After all, everyone dies right? So what if lifelines are long, etc etc.
So will I .Am I going to become a ghost or vampire? Am I gonna be reborn as a movie star, or as a cockroach? Or is it going to be hell ( somehow, the thought of living among saints doesn’t really feel right!).  I somehow don’t think so. So its going to be final. What option does that leave me – make the most of the life I have, so that when I die, I wont think that there’s something left unfinished. I hate “unfinished business”

So what do I want to do? If I die anytime in the next 7 years, I will be mad at myself for these 2 years. So I am hoping to live more than that, much more than that, old enough to sit on a rocking chair in the winter sun in a garden, something like vito corleone. I want to die basking in the sun, quite some time down the line, preferably in the next century :P

Anyways, the time is immaterial. As I stand at the threshold of stepping into a corporate
Life, I have some expectations. There are a few things I want in life. Some decent standard of living, some good position in the organization I work for, a good car ( one that does 160-170 kmph ( ) , a harley. These are the material ones.

Coming to other things, I wish to marry, have kids etc. that part is pretty much human nature. Would like it if I could marry someone who loves me for who I am rather than what I have. High hopes, but then at least hopes should be high.

Highs and lows, passion and more passion before I die, hopefully while at a job!

These are the dreams, bas itna sa khwaab hai!
~Somanxo

What could have been

Hate. The word synonymous with love in my book. Not same, but very similar, levels of intensity and direction. Today, or yesterday as it were was valentine’s day. Yet another stupid day. I am generally indifferent to these days. I mean, with each day of the year, I discover that today is kiss day, rose day, mothers day, fathers day, wear your underwear over your pants day.. I mean there is no end. Why should any particular day mean anything much. Birthdays and anniversaries need to be remembered to keep some people happy, but at least they happen just once an year.

Valentine’s day is something which usually leaves me more cynical than other days, having lived in usually sad surroundings, which have made the whole exercise useless, apart from wishing other people around – why in heaven’s name? no idea, just coz of some random reason. Prolly just coz it exists. Whatever.

I have decided to dedicate this particular post to those who are the could have been’s.
What could they have been? Good friends for life, friends, lovers, any number of things.
These are people who I started talking, and it went on and blossomed into something which was akin to friendship, only it proved to be not. Somewhere, somehow the track went somewhere and that vanished into thin air. I hate these kind of relationships, and as far as these people are concerned, their lifetime is limited to my whims and fancies. I periodically chop my messenger and orkut lists. Rough estimate : 3 times I did this. About a 100 people ceased to exist for me. Another round is in the offing, this time the casualties will be more of the could have been’s. does it matter? Who cares anyway.
I mean, if people wont return emails and messengers, in this particular world, they might be dead. Why not make it official? Makes life more easy, gets rid of lies, and the could have been’s – in my opinion the most useless and time consuming people of anyone’s life. Remember anyone?

Lesson learnt : learn to forget. Learn to chop memories out from your brain. Learn to not hate people, or specifics. Learn  to give up on people. Learn to celebrate independence day, rather than Valentine’s day :P
~Somanxo

happy valentines day

to all the readers of this blog, and to some others.
have been wished, so decided to wish everyone with the same intensity :P
~Somanxo

Memories down the road of life

When I was lying down after a few drinks yesterday ( courtesy lappy’s bday, may he live long!), I began having flashbacks of memories. Have had them a few times in this last month. Before I move on to more forms like these , I will try and put in the memories of my life which I have and are mentionable. ( sadly some of the better ones fall into the unmentionables category for various reasons)

The oldest thing I remember is playing on the chest of my maternal uncle ... would be 2-3 years types.  Remember his taking me out on rides all over jamshedpur. Have slight memories of maami as well, of visiting her in the hospital.

Also comes to mind the first entrance test I gave, to st Xavier’s, which I flunked.
I remember thinking that the seats were way too small.

Memories of being made to stand on the bench for the first time coz I was talking to D ( it never stuck me before then that other people could also speak telugu, I used to think it was a family affair )

Of staying back in jamshedpur for some time when my folks left, coz I wanted to stay with granny, and mausi ( ( this would be when I was 4 years old)

Of staying in the crèche when I was about 3 years old. Remember the quarter, which was much bigger than the one we were staying in.

Of setting my neighbors fence on fire with diwali crackers.
Ditto for curtains, and a saree of mom’s ( got a huge lashing after that)

Of breaking my head on a gate ( literally ) on dussehra ( the first time I got stitches, after which in a series I have now been stitched from head to toe)

Picking up a fight for the first time ( something to do with tere baap ki.. kinda stuff, was fun )

Picking up a fight to prevent someone bullying my bro ( was fun the next day in school, the whole say sorry to each other rigmarole )

Strangling my neighbour ( the idiot wanted to pick a fight, he was slightly smaller, went for his neck. Poor chap fainted. Never really messed with me again.)

Smoking dad’s cigarettes with my bro ( the whole flat came to see where the smoke was coming from )

Having a bath at the hot water springs in rajgir ( bihar ) ( I thought what a place, hot water for free )

Shooting an airgun at the yearly fair nearby
Ferris wheels ( I love em even now)

Bending down to pick up my pencil which had fallen, and remarking that IS really had such nice legs  ( I would still put her in the top 10 of girls I’d seen)

Playing commandos in the neighbourhood ( they’d dug these ditches and trenches for setting up an electrical substation )

Climbing the top of the water tank(about 300 feet) ( dad was max angry when he had to come up and get me down, not that I’d wanted to get down )

Catching dragonflies on winter afternoons

The day so much hail fell, that the locality was transformed into Kashmir for a few hours.

The first time I slept under the stars ( used to love doing that in jamshedpur )

The first visit to British council library ( was about 6 then, was my most favourite place for quite some time)

The cholera shot we ( me,bro, and cuz) took when we went to an uncle’s wedding. Me and cuz took it in our arms. Bro in his ass. That shot pained real bad. Still remember his repenting his decision.

Being afraid of injections ( remember creating a lot of scenes, I got stitched a lot, so had to take  a lot of tetanus shots)

Being duped by a sexy nurse into getting a shot taken when I’d fractured my wrist ( man, she put in the injection while sweetly talking about some other shit, never felt more cheated in my life )

Going to essel world.

Will skip a lot of them now, this is getting too long.

The day I learnt how to ride a bicycle.

My first flight ( to Kuwait )

Living alone in cairo ( was an interesting experience, how to have fun by urself)

A few crushes, a train journey spent all night up , and some others.

Howzzat for a life?
~Somanxo

50 days

50 days to convo, 20 days to end terms, 35 days to placements.
9.68 bucks mobile balance.
0 in one bank account, 4k in another.
2 mess bills due.

How will I manage (.
God only knows.

That apart, life has been haunted by what I call evil hr practices in the corporate world. Wherein a company form looks like an autobiography, only if you are able to answer all the questions, bill Clinton would look like your secretary ( I mean all he did till college was have grass without inhaling, and possibly putting cigars to imaginative uses ).

Here is a sample of all that one needs to write. Mind you, all these are the 1st parts. Later you have to elaborate on how u felt and what u did and what would u do again in case the same thing happens.
An incident each in which :
You led a team on some path breaking stuff ( going to moon etc will do just fine )
You have taken some challenging task which stretched you, basically meaning that it made u move your ass a bit  ( this cannot be the same as 1st one )
You have changed the way in which your organization does something ( 90% of all CEO’s have never done this btw )
You have delivered something on a professional basis ( this is at least ok for people who worked)
Oh yeah and the favourite one – have you ever felt the pressure to compromise on your  values in a  work situation ( what the hell, I don’t have values which get compromised everytime I meet someone. Who are u looking for – raja harishchandra?? )

Yeah, then the pre placement talks. By now all companies sound the same to me, apart from the pay angle. Everyone is the fastest growing company in their sector, everyone is one of the best places to work by some survey or the other ( given enough surveys, u will find standard of living is higher in India than USA) , everyone has the best HR practices – the same ones which result in those questions btw. I almost forgot to mention the future leaders of the organization part ( we don’t hire employees, we hire future leaders, yeesh!)
The couple of ppt’s ( pre placement talks) I liked were those which dispensed with videos ( there is this new trend of videos in which employees are shown to be having fun, wtf are u hiring for – to take us to picnics?? ) and gave a point blank description of their jobs, and emphasized that they were not the company for a glamour job. I wish I get into one of them, calling a spade a spade has its own merits.

Little wonder, that almost all my desire to write has been killed due to the tons of introspection that I am having to do in order to fill these pieces of meaningless shit for most part.

~Somanxo

Cultural misunderstanding

found this today, max funny I must say

A disappointed salesman of Pepsi (cold drink) returns from his Middle
East assignment. A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the
Arabs?" The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East,
I was very confident that I will make a good sales pitch as Pepsi is
virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak
Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters... First
poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand... totally exhausted
and panting. Second, the man is drinking our Pepsi and Third, our man
is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the
place" "That should have worked," said the friend. The salesman
replied, "Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn't realize
that Arabs read from right to left..."

~Somanxo

dollar dreams

There is a variety of Indians who for lack of better words I shall describe as afflicted with the “dollar” dreams.

What would describe most of these? For most part they would be bright ( and not so bright) individuals hailing from middle to upper middle class backgrounds, with aspirations mainly  to somehow or the other reach and settle in the USA, Canada or London. There is a small minority of these who go to the US to pursue higher studies in relatively decent schools, and get good jobs there ( this is the community which is among the highest earning ones the US, as a lot of Indian newspapers simply love to report ). There is a larger proportion who go to mediocre schools, don’t get a job and return back to India with “phoren” degrees and fake accents ( remember monica’s friend with the fake british accent ). This is the variety which irritates me no end.

Let me reiterate again, that for some things which one wants to do in life, India is definitely not the country where you might want to live or work. If I were born 10 years ago, I would most probably not even consider living in India because it did not have jobs interesting enough which paid good money. Even now that’s true for a lot of people. Interestingly, there are some symptoms which I shall talk about which are actually not exhibited by the people with cali, but almost always by the fakes.

For simplicity’s sake, lets just call them the McDee m coke lovers. I personally consider Mc to be a good place for cheap fast food, but it seems to have huge aspirational values among a big crowd. More distressingly there is a love for all things foreign, which is disturbing. Branding something Indian second class in India is sort of sad. But then, I guess they buy stuff just for the tag. A friend of mine who went to Paris told me most of the Eiffel tower replicas sold near Eiffel sport the “made in India” tag. How one passes that off as foren, it beats my imagination. The general attitude of some people that all things Indian are bad, and all things foreign are good, is slightly irksome. Thankfully I don’t need to cohort too much with such people.

What does befuddle me is that people don’t even seek to know what they are aspiring to. Personally I hate generalizations of any sort, this falls into one of them. I will end with an example of something which is extremely distressing. A friend of mine used to work for Oracle, Hyderabad. Given that he was the off-shore part, he had to interact with the on-site team in US. On one such interaction, the person at the other end realized that there was a time gap of 13 hours, so he offered to exchange late nights ( they do it alternately.).
No such offers were made by any Indians in US, who did know that there was a time differential. No one offshore expected them to make any such offer. After all they are the “superior” ones, the ones who got away from this hellhole.

~Somanxo

will make a post on why I wish to live in India, and the other acceptable countries sometime. When, I don’t know.

note - more for myself than nyone else.

things happened which were good, then things happened which were ugly.
a conversation has been left midway, and has to be resumed.
a post is still an idea, has to be completed. this will not be left as a draft coz it will get lost.

Lust,Love and Marriage

Got the idea for this when I was talking to sue, this being the first of the two posts I said I would write. These are my personal opinions and I don’t think a lot of people would be ready to accept these.

Given my hedonist stance on life, I shall start with lust – the simplest of all these. To lust, the verb literally means to crave for. Generally used for sex, I use it in the broader spectrum of physical needs. At one level, man ( woman) is an animal and lust is an expression of that beast inside him/her. That beast demands the satisfaction of its needs. It asks no questions about who or what is satisfying it. Obviously there are different levels of satisfaction. Its like the difference between having a nice lasagna for dinner and having dal chawal. Hunger is satisfied in any case, and given enough hunger, dal chawal is like lasagna. Should be similar for sex, need for money, possessions and any other so called material desire. Here what is important is that while lust itself knows no reason, as human beings there are definite consequences of wanton satisfaction, be it food (stomach upset) or sex(STDs, AIDS, divorce…the list goes on). But the beast demands satisfaction, and gets it. The price differs.

Love on the other hand, is much more human in nature. Some animals show life long mating ( wolves for instance), but most don’t. Animals for most part are still about lust, and fight for satisfaction of that lust. Humans also do similar things, but now civilization has to some extent prevented lust from having social costs. ( Helen of troy was a long long time ago, as was Cleopatra. Recent wars have been about economics ). One loves one’s parents ( btw my folks are about to celebrate their silver jubilee. Congrats mom n dad. Love ya. Yay!) , ones siblings ( depends on the kind of childhood you had. I love my bro), but that is not what I want to write about. If it is another person, who is not blood I am talking about, how exactly would I say I am in love with so and so… my heartbeat doesn’t actually go up around anyone, if my blood starts racing in my veins, its nowhere close to my brain, and is more again to do with lust. To me, love for a woman would be when I return home in the evening from work to find myself with her, then the world would seem like a great place. If not, I would feel as if I am missing something which has been woven into me, something which has become quite irreplaceable with anything else. It is like getting used to someone so much, that the loss becomes pretty painful. Difficult to quite put it into words, for some feelings are such that words don’t really describe them. Similar to good friends. Time might make you forget them, but their presence cant really be replaced. A weekend beer with X is not a weekend beer with Y, no matter how good a friend Y is. That is the best way I can put it.

Now to the social face of lust and/or love – marriage. I personally don’t think marriage is a really necessary form of showing commitment. True love doesn’t need marriage for survival – it is but a social need. Now, marriage, love and lust can be a combination in these kind of orders :

• Love -> lust -> marriage


• Love -> marriage-> lust ( I believe a lot of people want this :P )


• Lust -> marriage-> love(hopefully) ( weddings with pregnant brides)


• Lust -> love-> marriage ( think concubines…)


• Marriage-> lust -> love ( arranged marriages? )

There would be some other disastrous orders, but I personally believe that the last stage in any relationship involving marriage should be either love or marriage. Guess that stems from my ( or maslow’s ) understanding that needs – physical, personal, and social are in that order, with physical needs the lowest level and hence highest priority for satisfaction. ( you don’t eat – you die). You don’t feel love for anyone ( you are lonely, pretty bad eh! ). You don’t marry ( frankly speaking do the neighbours and well meaning relatives opinions about you really matter all that much to you? ). But for the society I live currently in, marriage is pretty much a need. I would want that to be the last to be satisfied. The beast will get satisfied anyway, but the human in me demands higher priority than society, and he will get that.

So said Somanxo on “lust, love and marriage.”

Captivated

Absolutely love em saree’s with those threadbare blouses. The showcasing of curves is really amazing, more so when the view is partly obscured by long trailing and wild tresses. The only reason I like attending weddings (, apart from the food. Wanted to post on some other stuff but have been blown away for some time by one such view.
Could go on and on about the way a good saree really showcases the curves of the waist, hip and thigh… on lines of a certain description of draupadi I read in an adaptation, or on lines of Sita in Ashok banner’s Ramayana – which is an awesome reading by the way, both for Indians and non Indians.

(Sighs)
~Somanxo

New!

Made two new blogs, which I intend to keep updating regularly.
Will add links from this blog when I get time and enthu.
For now:

Ze quotes of  ze somanxo  - collection of quotes, poems, jokes which strike me, occasionally my own contributions, more likely to gifts of great people like GB Shaw.

Panoramas of the mind  - Collection of pics, of which I have a slightly non trivial collection. A look should give an idea of what it’s likely to progress as.

~Somanxo

Surprised

I never thought it was possible, in fact it was so far away from the realms of reality that I never even considered it a possibility. Then it hit me like a bolt from the blue, leaving me standing with my mouth gaping wide enough to let a chameleon pop in and eat all the flies that had entered.

What happened is this. A friend of mine who used to live in the next wing of mine, called LK messaged me on y! at about 5 o clock in the morning ( he’s in Wisconsin.. or some such place in the US, but he still knows it is 5 o clock for me) and desperately asks for some Lionel Ritchie song. I dint have the one he wanted, so sent him hello, and a couple more which seemed to be ok for him. He accepted only that some girl put him up to it, but nothing beyond it.

Just as a backdrop to why this should cause so much surprise, this is a bloke who is a born misogynist, close to a misanthrope, in his undergrad days, he used to talk about marriage being useless and kids being a menace to society. I am afraid this doesn’t quite say it, but it looks like LK’s chink dreams are gonna come true in the backdrop of recent news. Yet another asian uses the great land of opportunity ( see “Harold and Kumar went to whitecastle” to get the proper feel of the statement)

Now to the topics I said I would make a post on.

Why salwars suck?
edit : this is for the readers who dont know what a salwar is. It is an ehtnic indian form of clothing which looks like this most of the time.


The first line of defence most females take to that is that it depends on who is wearing it.
My answer to that is someone like sushmita sen or aishwarya rai would look awesome wearing rags, that doesn’t make the rags good clothes. Just as an example – look at the clothes Katrina kaif wore in boom. Frankly speaking they looked like a cost cutting exercise, but she still looked awesome ( one of the few redeeming features of that eminently forgettable movie). Coming back to the point I was making, does one actually see chicks with great figures showcasing it through salwars. In the 23 years of letching that I’ve been upto, its been extremely limited, and again those females were the kind who’d look good in pretty much anything. Most of the salwars I see seem to be designed to hide rather than reveal. I mean, you cant make out if it’s a 21C or a 36D ( maybe that’s exaggerating it a bit… but u get the idea). As to curves, you can forget it, its like a huge coverall, marginally behind a burqa in obscuring nything u can make out. How can anyone who likes a good letch like something which was designed with the purpose of hiding rather than revealing figures. Something which will put Shabana Azmi and sushmita sen in the same boat. What I like are skirts… or sarees…
~Wistfully remembers some teachers at school a la Sushmita Sen in Mai hoon Na
~ damn all the sarkari buggers who decide on salwars as dress codes nywhere
Why I hate the word cute.

Remember any Johnson and Johnson baby’s ad. Imagine a baby like that in front of ya. Most females I know go “ cho chweet!” and promptly kill the poor baby’s joy by pinching his cheeks and try to smother the kid. Similar is the case with the so called “cute” guy. In any normal blokes understanding, if you have been called cute by a female, that’s the “the end” of any hopes you might have of a non platonic relationship. You might as well be gay. In fact, if you are indeed gay, then it might be better, you can have the feminine bonding conversations and bitch about your boyfriend or crushes. Also act as a shoulder to cry on etc. basically nothing productive, or reproductive is ever gonna happen. The “just friends” tag is slightly better, at least there is a good exit option. But cute is like a snowball in hell, with no scope of a dignified exit. Got one of the worst statements of that type a couple of days back. Comment was that if I were to wear school clothes I would look like a school kid. I was so extremely flabbergasted, I almost choked on my coffee! Being a beast with sideburns and arbit moustaches is so much better, let some bimbo’s go yuck! But at least no one can say hey cutie! ( this sounds so girlie, I am sure will would have loved it!)

FYI – from the Webster dictionary
Main Entry: cute Pronunciation: 'kyütFunction: adjectiveInflected Form(s): cut·er; cut·estEtymology: short for acute1 a : clever or shrewd often in an underhanded manner b : IMPERTINENT, SMART-ALECKY <don't get cute with me>2 : attractive or pretty especially in a dainty or delicate way3 : obviously straining for effect- cute·ly adverb- cute·ness noun
Therefore, to any self respecting male, the word cute is acceptable only as an adjective, even there, the word “fresh” or “nice try” are much better.

As a final word, if a guys described as cute, it basically means one doesn’t have good things like smart, sexy etc to say about him. Generally hollow, more applicable in case the girl doesn’t know the guy. Ex – ooh I think Ed Norton is so cute!! That ways..

Pervert, dirty mind could count as better adjectives ( MCP is about the only adjective I think of which is worse than cute.)

Cute girls have a hope coz of skewed sex ratios in the country. Cute guys ( non gays of course) god save ya!

~Somanxo

Hitz

Nothing can quite match the elation I felt at this, but it does feel happy in a way to have crossed 5000 hits since having installed the counter. When I first started blogging, I never felt like keeping a counter, coz frankly speaking I never did write for stats. In fact I’d put a counter only after I saw this post on bahadur’s blog (now dead, the blog I mean). Though in terms of tracking softwares, I like statcounter the most. It gives you nice detailed stats about visit length, geographies, paths used etc which often provide interesting info. For instance there is this person in meerut who regularly searches for my blogname on search.blogger. Most visits to my blog come via bookmarks or directly typed addresses. The biggest referrer is Mythreyee, with some 30 referrals in the month of January (.

When my blog started, its header was called “ The life and times of a certain Abhilash Somanchi at IIM Cal ”. That would be I guess the life of the blog, at the end of which I would be writing something like this , with the title – “ So long, and thanks for all the hitz”. Will be difficult, to give this blog up, might start a new one in my corporate avatar, the more acceptable one to the world as a whole, maybe.

It still surprises me that people actually read what I churn out on a regular and uninterrupted basis. Looking forward to churning out sum more, while I am here in the green jungle by the lakeside. What will happen after that? God only knows, or maybe even he/she/it doesn’t?

~Somanxo

Hmm

Two things happened yesterday.
One – I am not going to watch any more Indian cricket matches, at least test matches if not the one dayers. Never did I feel so betrayed as today. I will not comment any more for I have but caustic words for them. All the best in their future endeavors, but I shall not be supporting them live.

Two – I went to the city after a long time and met a friend after about four months. A lot did happen in this time.

Coming up with a post on why salwars suck and why I don’t like the word cute

~Somanxo

Dreams

I slept from 6 pm to 8 30 am with a minor break around 4 o’ clock. The break was caused by a horrible nightmare, in which I saw myself on the path of becoming one of those bald blobs of fat with turtle rimmed half-glasses. When I woke up, I was sweating all over. Did some checking out to find that no food was indeed available anywhere, so went back to sleep and miraculously fell asleep again.

Was generally musing on where life is now headed after 17 years in ranchi, 4 in Kharagpur and 2 in Calcutta. Still looking for the elusive happiness, still believe that a beer belly is a joke, still believe that there is hope!

Motivating statement for Feb by Someone…
If the creator had a purpose in equipping us with a neck, he surely meant us to stick it out.

~Somanxo