Happy New Year

Damn! Missed the last sunset of the year!
This year has been unique in that I’ve seen more sunrises than sunsets by a margin. In fact for a phase of about 3 weeks I never saw the setting sun but saw the sunrise with an alarming frequency ( one can say that my share of sunshine has been appropriately cut :P

We are about to start a bonfire for the new year, and try to get as tipsy as possible.
Wishing everyone a happy and prosperous new year.
May the force be with you.
May the source also be with you.
Love,
~Somanxo

Yeh Kahaan aa Gaye hum

Am listening to the soundtrack of the movie Karz at various points in the movie as I write this, and must confess it has been one of the most haunting tunes I’ve ever heard.

Anyways to come to the point which is something else, think of something that u cherish, love and want to remember till kingdom come. Then, imagine your reaction if someone told you they were not yours, but were in fact fabricated by a loony scientist. Ladies and gentlemen , welcome to dark city. Or so It says in the movie. But going on a more bizarre line of thought, is it really true that the memories you seemingly have are yours and are not controlled by something external to our system. If it were, the saddest part is you can never tell. From within a system to usefully comment on it is impossible. Its like asking an ant ( lets assume for simplicity’s sake it doesn’t understand height) the height of mount Everest.

Lets see what else can be drummed up in the 10 odd minutes to go before I go to have gugni at the insti gate. That gugni paratha is the best breakfast I’ve had in kolkata, never having had breakfast at flurries, a record which I intend to set straight.

Do watch the chronicles of Narnia. While not as entertaining as the book, it does show what the book said for most part. I am looking forward to the sequels ( hopefully six of them)

In the meanwhile, something which does have some resemblance to the title of the post :

Main aur meri tanhaai aksar yeh baatein karte hain
Tum hoti to kaisa hota, tum yeh kehti, tum voh kehti
Tum is baat pe hairaan hoti, tum us baat pe kitni hansti
Tum hoti to aisa hota, tum hoti to vaisa hota
Main aur meri tanhaai aksar yeh baatein karte hain

Yeh raat hai, yeh tumhaari zulfein khuli hui hai
Hai chaandni ya tumhaari nazrein se meri raatein dhuli hui hai
Yeh chaand hai ya tumhaara kangan
Sitaarein hai ya tumhaara aanchal
Hawa ka jhonka hai ya tumhaare badan ki khushboo
Yeh pattiyon ki hai sarsaraahat ke tumne chupke se kuch kaha hai
Yeh sochta hoon main kab se gumsum
Ke jab ki mujhko bhi yeh khabar hai
Ke tum nahin ho, kahin nahin ho
Magar yeh dil hai ke keh raha hai
Ke tum yahin ho, yahin kahin ho

Majboor yeh haalaat, idhar bhi hai udhar bhi
Tanhaai ki ek raat, idhar bhi hai udhar bhi
Kehne ko bahut kuch hai, magar kisse kahe hum
Kab tak yunhi khaamosh rahe aur sahe hum
Dil kehta hai duniya ki har ek rasm utha de
Deevaar jo hum dono mein hai, aaj gira de
Kyoon dil mein sulagte rahe, logon ko bata de
Haan humko mohabbat hai, mohabbat hai, mohabbat
Ab dil mein yehi baat, idhar bhi hai udhar bhi

~Somanxo

its a useless life

This is the font I have been using for the last couple of posts, and is downloadable from the link provided, in case you are curious what font it is.

As things stand, I am so bored I might start preparing my cv and revising for final placements. Sort of in a merchant of Venice antonio’s mood. “ In sooth I am so sad I don’t know why…. “  the tragedy is it is really not attributable to anything. It is as if the core of my hedonist existence has woken up and decided to play conscience. When I ask questions like “ what is it you – Abhilash have done after coming to this earth which is worthwhile ? “ And I cannot come up with an answer. Apart from bringing a smile on occasion to a few people’s faces, it really bothers me. I don’t know what I have done, and what I will be doing. The knowledge that I shall not want for money, and be in a position where some dim witted parents will want their daughter to marry me is not something which excites me at all.

So what is it all about? Why does one do anything? I will get some answers when I shall be getting my ass on fire some months down the line, when I shall be looking at targets etc, but for now, the wait is horrible. What is ironic is that I am looking fwd to working more than being in a sane world ( by which I mean that things are normal). Having been driven into a corner where I’d given up grass for 5th term ( which will be done again, the ggp being the lone exception. For the uninitiated the ggp is the great ganja party held every year at the alumni reunion.. u get the idea ) , alcohol doesn’t seem to appeal anymore, movies have long since lost their charm ( I’ve a horrible attention span) and courses having become so less in number that effort is not needed anymore. A few books interest me from time to time, and a few people with whom I chat online keep me engaged for a couple of hours a day, and my wingies who make my evenings and nights sociable, and a few good friends who listen to me blabber on ( some others prolly curse me!)

So, do I really think Ive led a useless life.. of course not! But the point of what has been achieved apart from a couple of stamps is very dubious. At one point in time, I thought I got friends and acquaintances. With time, as more and more friends become acquaintances and people cease to have any meaning apart from being faces, when the history or times that u’ve had with them goes into fading memory, never to return, you realize things have changed.

There was a time when I wanted to be in love, there was another when I was in love. There obviously existed ( still exist ) periods when u just want to fuck it all and go do something crazy (very often u do, the couple I am told of which I rate as extreme – 1) lying on railway tracks, drunk and stoned with another person, waiting to hear the sound of the approaching train before getting up. 2) chasing a cow for some godforsaken reason, and then lying down in exhaustion in the middle of a road ( campus ka road tha so not that big a deal))

Will add more after breaking a few new year resolutions (

~Somanxo

Hum - Tum :P

As a blogger for slightly more than an year, I never really understood why people cant leave a comment on the blog, they have to let u know offline or on messenger what they exactly feel about it.

This is to do with my last post, as is not usual, the female being referred to read it, and as would be usual is not particularly amused by it. That has been settled though, so instead of writing what I was in the mood for yesterday, will write what I was going to write initially.

As I was saying, me and emgi got into a discussion on variety available to males. She said that in all the photos of my orkut album I look different, which is something which some more people also say. I told her they have been taken at different points in time, with the main difference being lack or presence of a mush or frenchie in various formats. She said that that precisely was the choice. Then me being me, decided to launch a counter attack. This is it.

Girls can have all kinds of hair – long, short, one braid, multiple ones, ponytails, bob cuts, and not to mention the hazaar varieties of designer hairstyles. They can wear any of the n varieties of makeup and makeup aids ( which some meterosexual, mainly gay guys can pull off ). Not to stop here, they can wear anything any decently ( even indecently :P) dressed male wears. If a female shows skin, its sexy, if a guy does so, its gross ( for most part.. ).

Nyways, after this we did dwell on the fact that it is very important which girls wear what type of dress. The conclusion we reached was this : if you are a sexy babe, you can pretty much wear what u want, doesn’t make a diff. but if you are not one, then u shd definitely not wear revealing attire ( the one both of us hate are fat females exposing midriffs with low cut jeans, imho they were never designed to show off the midriff to begin with, the target to be exposed lies a bit lower ( )

This in short is what transpires when two creative and managerial minds of the opposite sex indulge in random baker. Imagine how organizations work with diverse people!

~Somanxo

Random

Now that Ive verified that one can indeed write in this pseude font, I have to make a longish post. What about is what Ive been thinking of for some time. There was this idea I had of writing one on what I consider sins, then another on a couple of online friends who’ve brightened up my life for some time, and one as a counter response to this.

Had written some severe mcp shit as response, then decided its not worth it. Is sort of pointless anyway. You cant convince a girl that she’s being high handed. She’ll just say that you cant see the point. The standard answer is that I have my values. Ex – a friend of mine recommends jap horror movies to me, loves ed Norton and fight club but says she cant watch no entry because she wont get inspired by watching it. And then of course, “ you wont understand”. So after a point of time, you decide to give it a pass, and stop looking for reason ( I would maintain reason is a very dubiously found commodity among both males and females). But there is one thing, females are indeed more forgiving and accommodating, so prolly what she wrote had a point, but in making it a generalization, she touched that chord in my heart which screams at generalizations and stereotypes. Also the bhaiya part is something most girls do and hound guys with rakhis. I remember wearing some 8-10 rakhis when I was a kid, inspite of not having any sister.

Now that that particular emotion has been worked off, lemme write something which is closer to the normal raving that I do :D

I had a discussion with emgi on the differences between men and women, in terms of looks and variety possible, which I shall put up on my next post.

~Somanxo

merry christmas.and happy bday ross

merry christmas to all the readers of this blog :p

it was ross's bday today so yesterday nite we had a party celebrating his pain!
this is the story in pictures..

next post on christmas!
~Somanxo

the slugfest begins!

sort of feel like calling it that.. nyways for those interested Intaglio 2005-06 the fest of IIM Calcutta is beginging today! there will be a series of mind boggling and exciting events (sic) and some nice talks by corporate junta ( this is actually better than it sounds) and of course sunday night(raat christmas ki hai!) show by euphoria which I look forward to.

lets see aur kya kya hota hai
~Somanxo

A Momentary Lapse of Reason

Peace is not a season; it is a way of life.

~Somanxo

The one of many

Hi all..
As I return from home and post the one of many.. incidentally 100th post from my alma mater, I am just reminded of the fact that I never blogged when I was here. Tis a pity.. then again perhaps not.. only time will tell.. instead of blogging and thoping my fundae on anyone foolish enough to venture into this space I just terrorised people around me when I was drunk..as a few people will testify...

abhi to cheddis ke tinku aur thandi me bike ride ke baad woh beer kidhar gayi pata hai nahi... sun rahe hai woh gaana jo shaiad hamare liye kuch waqt baad hi sach hoga " humein to loot liya :P "

nyways thats that, now to the answer to my previous post.
This was something I would have posted long back, if I had not been taken in by nfs most wanted, which I would say has given me a better kick than a lot of things... Thats about to end tonite though, blacklists 3,2 and 1 shall be eliminated ( lola are u reading this :P )

The concept behind that, for the non matrix fans is in one sentence " In order to bend the spoon. you have to realise that there is no spoon". In slightly more complex english - it is all an illusion.
more sometime later ( within the next 24 hours). but havent you ever wondered if it isnt all an illusion, that there is something ( or someone) missing in the whole picture.. I for one have thought on occasion that it is all a sham, given the copybook way in which my life has gone so far.. in more than one aspect. Sort of boring and meaningless.

but then again, maybe not. who knows :)

continuing on my random tone so far... At the begining of my last term as a student ( I aint doing a PhD, I dont need no education...at least not anymore) I feel impatient.. for this phase to end.. and for another ( hopefully one to do more with this song... not in the same vein though ;) )

I just found a very old favourite song.. these are the lyrics.. try to identify the movie - ( hint ..song is sung by SD Burman)
allaah megh de, paanIi de, chhaayaa de re raamaa megh de
shyaamaa megh de
allaah megh de, paani de, chhaayaa de re raamaa megh de

aankhein phaade duniyaa dekhe, hai ye tamaashaa
aankhein phaade...
aankhein phaade duniyaa dekhe, hai ye tamaashaa
hai ye vishvaas teraa, hai terii aashaa
allaah megh de ...

allaah megh de, paani de, chhaayaa de re raamaa megh de

this song is yet another of the religious ( semi religious..whatever) category which I seem to like inspite of being an agnostic (ironically.. btw I do like some of the vedic hymns )

and another one.. which used to be my +2 morning whatever u wanna call it - humko man ki shakti dena... that song has max senti value as far as i am concerned.. used to be a nice opportunity to observe decent looking chicks singing ( u get the idea :P) { in my school, it used to be us guys who chanted- our father in heaven after some arbit PT } used to like it more in rainy days... when the whole exercise happened inside class.

Had a nostalgic attack on one morning at home. Had gone out for a morning walk ( and sutta) at about 7 30... saw school buses of both my schools pass.. felt a strange kind of empty feeling.. dunno why.. sort of innocence lost ..or maybe a return to innocence... who knows..

signing off..before I put more arbit bakar..
~ Somanxo

Hmmm

Yesterday after giving the Ecofirm end term which ended at 7 30 pm I started playing nfs most wanted and kept at it till 3 30 am. It is after a longish time that I have spent that kind of time on gaming. But it was absolute delight.

A thing to ponder, which I shall try to answer in my next post, which incidentally would be my 100th post
Does it tell you something? I thought this is very profound :D

~Somanxo

4 down 3 to go

Had a combined assault of commercial banking, business valuation and Managing retail all in one whammy, but I refused to buckle and give under. Now 4 are outta the way, 3 remaining. will take em on, Like always :D

~Somanxo

random musings, perhaps not so random

To the couple of posts which I wanted to write.. about the effect of internet chatting on my life, of missing people and relationships which lose basis out of touch and then about the Ledhus: Lath,Sumit,Maddy,Gabru,Anuragva,Honey,Bishwa,Kelu,Frustu, and Ghoda.

For a long time now, since about 2nd year middle, I always had a chat partner, someone with whom I would chat for long durations, often late into night. Listening to music that I liked, surfing the net or reading whatever novel I was into at that point in time. Occasionally watch a movie in the background or play hearts or solitaire. This sort of blended in with my nocturnal lifestyle. It was a routine often broken by parties, movies or other times when I hung around with my offline friends, a group of whom I will deal with in this post. But it was a routine nonetheless. I always had withdrawal symptoms when I went home and led an internet free life, or when one of my partners in crime did the same. Because of these I gradually reduced this, to the point now where it is minimal, as of now I have no chat windows open, and even the heights I reached here in cal was about 5 windows, 2 of which were open due to work. The point is that this had become a part of me, of what I did, of my needs. Still is, but to a lesser extent and the reasons have changed. Once it was that I had to chat, now its more to do with whom. There is one thing in this respect I would like to add. I never met/phoned any of these chat friends ( nor was interested in that ways) during my 2nd and 3rd years at college. Since then I have met a few, mainly pagalguy and orkut contacts. The thing is that those I met do not seem too different online and offline. This is something which frustu said was not possible. I don’t know what his exact experiences are, but I feel they arose because of a lack of understanding. If you talk long enough about a wide variety of things, you tend to reveal the way you think, and that sort of sums up who you are. So I now chat only with people either whose thinking I like, or whom I like for what they are. Still does cause withdrawal syndromes though. Has been reducing with time, I do think that these days are numbered. Will probably go back to emails, the way I started in 1999, by creating my yahoo account.

The next part is about people with whom you lose touch. Much as I would wish for the gulzar song “Haath Chootein bhi to rishtey nahi toota karte” to be true, I find it to be very weak. The people I lose touch with, but remember sort of go lower and lower in the recall segment. Its like data going from the RAM to the hard disk, only this is not data, but people who were in the RAM for a good reason, of relations which were like active processes taking up processor space because the task manager did not shut them. The end result is similar to a program crash – the process goes, the data goes from the RAM to the hard disk and you get an error message saying “ This program crashed because of some unknown reason. Would you like to send an error report?”. Something similar has happened to me time and again with people. These lines from the same song “Tune awaaz nahi di kabhi mudkar warna, hum kayi sadiyan tujhe ghoom ke dekha karte.” sort of echo the sad truth of life for me.  

So much so about friendships and relationships, will now talk about one of my best group of friends. It all started in July 2000, the first day we had all landed in kgp. We were in the 1st year hostel – JC Bose hall of residence, in the first floor of F block. I was in room 206. Lath and Sumit were in 207, maddy and some bugger in 205, ghoda and frusty were known to me prior to coming to kgp. Honey was in 209 with someone whose name I now forget. Gabru opened the wing in 201. Bishwa and chetan in 204.Kelu and anurag joined the group later. Anyways, it started when we started putting bhaat in the corridor, introducing each other and generally trying to find a sense of something, being the first time most of us were away from home, a group of teenagers for most part. That was the beginning. These are the people and how I would like to write about them.
Will do it in a roomwise ordering.

Gabru – otherwise known as sanjeev. The gaon ka banda from a village near patna. He did things which were laughable and funny and often made him the butt of jokes – the most hilarious one being the time he drank a bottle of phenylated water which honey had kept for cleaning his room. Some other unmentionables are there, but he always had a great attitude. Most things he smiled off. Having said a lot of things about drinking and smoking to me, he turned into a heavy non teetotaler in final year.

Bishwa – He of course stayed with me during my entire stay, in first year and then as a wingie in the best wing I have been part of and the only one to which I would like to return some years down the line - RKCTM. He’s stood by my side through thick and thin. He’s gone to bring daroo for us, inspite of not drinking himself. Throughout 3rd and final year he was party to all the times we went out to eat coz the mess was horrendous. Got senti in the final year sento session in a very memorable way. Eminently avoidable and uncontrollable when he had bhang.

Maddy – the cheerful guy of the group and my partner in beer and navy cut. Things changed later but he is still deceptively pensive at times. And a soul more carefree and a listener more keen I have not met. One of the best people I bonded with and saw similar souls.

Lath – love hate is what I had with him, though it changed over time, but that is part of why I like him. He’s himself for most part and things, and that is very irritating (mostly when he gets drunk coz he couldn’t stand it most of the time, I still doubt I would have a night long daroo session with him!)

Sumit – the prof. The acha bacha of the wing. He used to get up at 3 am to study. Always had his cycle in a usable condition and lent it to you. Had more bhat with him outside kgp in ranchi, one of the few people for which that is true. But then my friendship with him was also a very arbit and special thing. One of the most sincere and honest people I will ever lay my eyes on, will remember him for that for a long long time.

Honey aka shashank – the only other ledhu from our wing. He and I had the only two tapes in 1st year, me having gotten one in dp break. Most of what we shared was a love of old hindi music, cricket and bhaat. Went to his cousins wedding in patna where I was treated to the traditional bihari welcome and affection. One of the best trips I have ever made, and the welcome which honey gets from his rather large family is enviable (  and yeah, he’s also carefree in a way which would be difficult to match for most people.

Now to the non wingies who were part of the group.

Anuragva – the bihari kid who got baptized by fire in kgp. We literally ragged him and tried to kill his innocence ( remember the hritik poster :P )
We failed, but he grew as a person sort of echoing my own innocence lost story, and created a few stories of his own. Fun, friendship and yeah he never kept track of money, he only thought in terms of kitna beer aaega ie 60 bucks = 1 beer.
Kelu – like Anurag, his baptism was through gaining knowledge of things he knew nothing about. It started with clearing his concepts on what oral sex was, which sort of led to his nickname which stuck. Currently pursuing an MS, he’s one of those nice chaps you can rely on, not letting down friends.

Will write about ghoda and frusty later, its high time I got back to commercial banking.

~Somanxo

These days return again

Now its passe to even call these things a siege. Just for the record, my end terms will start on monday with a bang - 3 papers in a day - not done that since the old ( very old) fitjee days.. which used to be fun. Here it is a matter of survival.. will do that too, just as I have survived the 150 odd ones before these.. bring em on.. :D

listening to O paalanhaare, hawa hawa etc like numbers, go well with the fin subjects i am reading - why banks fuck up, and how not to fuck up when u invest.

more later today, maybe after 5 more chapters

~Somanxo

Of mental bondage

I have read and recieved some articles in the recent past to which I wanted to react the moment I laid my eyes on, so this post will mainly be dedicated to them.

The first of them is this , which I receieved yesterday in the mail, signalling the defacing of hindu gods and godesses that a certain MF Hussain has been upto in his latest series. while the contents are sad, what is even sadder is that people wish to protest and sign petitions to get his work banned. Make no mistake, I do not approve of what he is doing, I maintain that it is absolutely tasteless, and I wouldn't interact with anyone pervert enough to either draw em or buy them or display them.

What people miss is that this reaction is precisely what gives him the kick. People seek fame - some at a different cost than others. Look at M/s Mallika for example, not to say that it is the same league but do realise that notoriety is something some people will always seek. The only solution, if you want to call it that, is to ignore them. If you dont talk about it or create a ruckus, no-one will notice, no one will know, and it will be reduced to the ravings of a perverted madman, which no-one cares about.

Why cant people do that?
Think, especially those who forwarded this to other people.More so for someone I care about.

Next in line is this article which sunshine decided to put on her blog . http://sunshinenjoy.blogspot.com/2005/11/where-are-real-women.html

Now this article is one which looks like an ambush on a situation the author is not happy about, I don’t know what it is. It basically seems to be correct, of outraged feminity et al.

To start with, Barbie doll would have a horrendous figure if she were human, and secondly I doubt nyone except small girls play with dolls. Also if you would want ur kid to be the doll she was playing with, you need a checkup. I played with guns all my childhood, breaking enough things, I really doubt my folks wanted me to be either a gangster or in the police. So much for the made in china crack in terms of which doll I would buy for my kid, or which one I want her to be. This was to the intro, which I suppose should instill some emotions for the author.

Then she goes and gives some lectures on how the woman on tv has become polarized – the fat sati savitri and the anorexic sexy bitch. Maybe just sexy would do. I feel that she doesn’t really watch the K series stuff which is prevalent. Yeah this polarization does occur to an extent, however there are realistic women shown on tv, especially in ads. Most of the good ads consist of realistic people. The ones in the target segment. Before you get started, I meant the good ads. There are a lot of crappy ads. But then there are a lot of crappy things which happen. Even movies have realistic women. See Mr and Mrs Iyer for example.

Then she goes on and talks about stereotypes of various types and some other things.

Here are my comments. Looking good is a talent, and if u can use it nothing better than it, so long as you feel okay about it. People have a lot of talents, like this “lambu” I heard about. He’s an IIT B passout and reportedly did pornos for financing his MS or has permanently moved on to that as a career. So much for the sidetrack.

Next is that people will always have stereotypes, even if it is the girl next door – who is neither sexy nor cute, neither classy nor homely etc etc. Real people are a mix of stereotypes. People need stereotypes to describe others. For example – that cheeky RG SOB. That sexy bitch. That holier than thou sati savitri. That plain jane etc etc the list is endless. You cannot change herd mentality of homo sapiens. My view.

Wanted to write about the effect of internet chatting on my life, of missing people and relationships which lose basis out of touch, but will do it in the next post

~Somanxo